Pants Are Better For Questing
by MysticCherry
Summary: Somehow Arthur never got the memo that his manservant isn't actually a man. Fem!Merlin. Series of one shots. Set between seasons 4 and 5.
1. Hindsight

Set between seasons 4 and 5.

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Hindsight

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There are times when it is highly inconvenient to discover certain well-kept secrets about your manservant. Huddled amidst the massive roots of a tree after a surprise attack by bandits (though considering the amount of times they'd been ambushed should it really still be a surprise?) was one such time.

"Merlin…" Arthur isn't sure how to continue. His hands hover uncertainly over the wound on his servant's shoulder, knowing it needs to be treated, but lost as to how to proceed. As his mind flounders for a solution, Arthur thinks that there is now a real irony to the fact that he has spent the last six years calling Merlin a girl. Desperately, the king wonders why Merlin couldn't have been injured in a way that didn't require the removal of shirts.

"Look, Arthur," Merlin snaps irritably, voice just a little breathless because that shoulder wound _hurts_, "I know this is something of a shock for you, but you need to pull yourself together. Now really isn't the time for this." No, now most certainly is not the time to try and reconcile the fact that his fanatically loyal manservant is not, in fact, a man at all. It doesn't stop Arthur from trying.

He really _does_ need to pull himself together, doesn't he?

"I know that," Arthur insists. "It's just…" Heaving a sigh he gestures uselessly with his hand. "I don't want to…offend your honor or-"

"Oh for the love of-" Merlin pushes herself more upright against the trunk, despite the pain it causes, so as to better be able to glare at her king. "Arthur," she begins firmly, "they're just breasts. They're not going to hurt you. Now just treat the damn wound so we can get out of here!"

_Yes_, Arthur finds himself thinking, _those are indeed breasts_. He shakes himself. Just treat the wound. That's all he has to do. Treat the wound so they can go home and Arthur can contemplate the latest plot twist in his life in the comfort of his room, far from angry bandits. It isn't hard. The salve is already resting on his knee. All he has to do is smear some on the wound, bandage it up, and then he can pretend for a bit longer that Merlin is still a man and oh god, he's been undressing in front of a woman for six years and he _bathes_ in front of her...

Arthur has treated many injuries, but never has smearing salve on a wound been so awkward. This is quite possibly because he has never before treated a woman. It's not the same as treating a man. With men, Arthur doesn't have to be concerned about how close his hands are to…to…to _violating_ a particular area of a woman's chest. He keeps his eyes firmly on Merlin's shoulder, aware that his cheeks are probably blazing with heat, but refusing to acknowledge such things because _kings don't blush_ damn it! The thought that the only thing keeping him from seeing far too much of his servant's chest is a wide strip of white material makes Arthur want to abandon his attempt at first aid altogether. Finally, the king manages to tie off a bandage and Merlin puts her shirt back on. It's relieving to once again have her upper body covered, but Arthur can't make himself forget the uncomfortable fact that Merlin has breasts under there, existing just out of sight beneath a shield of blue fabric. God help him.

All thoughts of Merlin and how not male she is flee from Arthur's mind the minute he hears approaching footsteps. Unconsciously he places a hand on Merlin's chest to keep her still. Only later will Arthur realize that his protective gesture had, in fact, also been a full on grope. Which is just as well, considering they may be on the verge of being attacked by bandits and the last thing Arthur needs is to be distracted by unintentional impropriety. Merlin has the presence of mind not to comment.

"Sire?" a familiar voice hisses. "Merlin?" It's Leon.

"Oh thank God," Arthur moans. He stands and sees his knights approaching the tree. A quick visual check reveals no signs of injuries. Mostly they just look relieved to have found their king alive and well.

"Are you alright, sire?" Leon asks as Arthur moves away from the tree. Gwaine goes to help Merlin, eyebrows rising when she winces at the movement of her damaged shoulder.

"She's been wounded," Arthur confirms, only to realize a moment later exactly what he's said when four pairs of curious eyes and one accusatory pair zero in on him. "I mean…" But there's really no coming back from that. Gradually, the knights' eyes shift from Arthur to Merlin, who huffs and crosses her arms indignantly, despite the fact that it probably hurts her shoulder to do so.

"Am I going to have to take off my shirt and prove it to you or will you take me at my word that yes, I _am_ a woman?" Merlin demands. For a moment, Gwaine looks as if he's seriously considering asking her to take her shirt off. Considering it's Gwaine Arthur wouldn't be surprised if it's a reflex developed from years of chasing girls. Thankfully, the knight recalls exactly whom it is he's about to ask this of at the last second and wisely keeps his mouth shut. Arthur notes that none of the knights (not even Gwaine despite his near display of lechery a few seconds ago) are exempt from the embarrassed flush that Merlin's words bring out and the servant in question is looking quite pleased with herself.

"That…won't be necessary," Leon finally says, carefully keeping his eyes on Merlin's face. Percival shuffles his feet awkwardly. Elyan pretends to find great interest in a bird's nest. Gwaine fiddles with the edge of his chain mail. Merlin roles her eyes.

"Right," she starts, "I don't know about you lot, but I'm not sticking around for anymore surprise bandit attacks." And without waiting she marches off into the woods. Arthur jolts into motion just as she's starting to disappear from sight. A moment later he hears the knights following.

Arthur spends the entire trip back to Camelot wondering how he spent six years completely missing the fact that his best friend is a woman. Talk about hindsight.

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A/N: Because I have this thing for gender bending my favorite characters. This will be a sporadically updated collection of connected one shots in chronological order.

How much time has passed is based on the fact that I once read somewhere that men come of age in Camelot at the age of 21 and season 4 is when they start referring to Merlin as a man in the opening, implying (assuming my information is correct) that he is 21 at the beginning of season 4. Speculation tends to indicate that Merlin was about 18 when he first arrived in Camelot. I kind of just...tossed another year or two on to account for a margin of error because the flow of time in television series rarely makes sense anyway so I figure we're all entitled to some creative license there.


	2. Perfectly Capable, Thank You Very Much

Pestis: Though not intentionally written that way, I realized after reading your review that this chapter is the perfect answer to your question.

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I'm Perfectly Capable, Thank You Very Much

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Camelot being Camelot it doesn't take long for the news to spread throughout the entire castle and by nightfall it has spilled out into the lower town. It seems Arthur isn't the only one shocked by his manservant's true identity. There are many different strains of the conversation going around. The most popular one, not to mention the one that amuses Gwen the most, is the theory that Arthur and Merlin have been engaged in a six year long passionate, sordid love affair and the case of mistaken gender identity was actually a brilliantly concocted plan to protect Merlin from the public. Gwen knows for a fact that nothing could be farther from the truth and that is part of what makes the whole thing hilarious. Anyone who thinks that the king and his maidservant would ever have a passionate, sordid love affair has clearly never spent five minutes in the same room as them. Close friends? Certainly. Lovers? Never in a million years.

"It'd be like sleeping with my brother," Merlin muttered when Gwen told her about the city's new favorite topic of gossip. "Besides, there's just something about spending six years drawing someone's bath water and helping them dress each morning that detracts from their attractiveness." Arthur entered just in time to catch the end of that remark and proceeded to hurl the nearest object at Merlin's head.

Gwen does have to admit that she is staggered by the amount of people that were unaware that Merlin is a woman. It isn't like Merlin has ever made an effort to disguise her femininity. Though considering her brash manners, cropped dark hair, and lack of skirts in her wardrobe Gwen supposes the men can be excused for their ignorance. Merlin isn't exactly Camelot's idea of a typical woman, nor probably anyone's for that matter. But the female population of the city should have at least had their suspicions! Or was Gwen honestly the only one who noticed a distinct monthly shift in Merlin's behavior? Well, the queen thinks, it's not as if it really matters anymore. Merlin is out of the closet (or whatever the proper euphemism is for this sort of thing) and that is that.

"Are you sure you should be the one doing this?"

"For God's sake, Arthur, I've seen you naked more times than I can count. Just get in the tub!"

Gwen decisively chooses to hover just outside the royal chambers when she hears her husband and her friend arguing. A smile unwittingly tugs at her lips. Gwen swears that Arthur is having a harder time coming to terms with Merlin being a woman than he would if she had admitted to having magic.

"Perhaps George should be the one to take care of this particular…duty from now on."

"Why?" An edge of jealousy creeps into Merlin's tone. For all her complaining Gwen notes that Merlin has always been quite territorial about her job. "I'm perfectly capable of helping you bathe. You're the one hiding behind the changing screen like a baby."

"Merlin…"

"Yes, Arthur?"

"It's just…you're a-"

"Finish that sentence, Arthur Pendragon. I _dare_ you."

"You can't speak to your king like that!"

"Then come out here and stop me!"

"I can't!"

"Don't make me come get you Arthur!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Watch me!"

"Merlin-" Arthur cuts himself with the high-pitched scream of a little girl (which he will thoroughly deny when Gwen brings it up later). A reverberating crash follows. Quietly, Gwen pushes open the door and slips inside. The sight that greets her is one that will undoubtedly give her at least a couple years of blackmail over the king. Merlin has shoved the screen out of the way, leaving Arthur exposed for the world- or in this case, just his angry maidservant- to see. In a last desperate attempt to keep his dignity, the king has grabbed the nearest pillow and is holding it desperately over his crotch while Merlin tries to rip it away.

"I've seen it before Arthur!" the maidservant is shouting. "It's not that impressive! Now let got of the pillow and get in the damn bath!"

"Merlin!" Arthur shrieks. His voice is several octaves too high and Gwen is quite certain she has never seen such a panicked look on her husband's face. "Merlin, this is highly inappropriate conduct! I demand you release the pillow at once!"

"Not until you get in the bath, sire!"

Gwen clears her throat politely, drawing two sets of blue eyes, one horrified and one furious, to her. "Is everything alright?" the queen asks innocently. Arthur's face is a red beacon of embarrassment. He tries a few more times to subtly yank the pillow away, but Merlin holds fast.

"Your husband is being difficult," the maidservant announces. "Will you please tell him to get in the damn bath already so I can finish my duties and leave?"

"There is no need to drag Guinevere into this!" Arthur protests.

"Clearly, there is," Merlin quips. "You are being an absolute child about this."

"I am not!"

For a long moment Merlin does nothing. Then she heaves a long-suffering sigh and averts her eyes from Arthur. The way her shoulders slump seems almost defeated. For all intents and purposes it looks like she's giving up. Gwen isn't fooled. Arthur is.

"Look, Merlin," the king begins, sincerity coloring his tone and fingers unconsciously loosening their hold on the pillow, "I'm not trying to…undermine your abilities or any such thing, I just feel that-" And before he can finish Merlin swiftly yanks the pillow from his slackened grip and unceremoniously shoves Camelot's king into his bath. Arthur comes up spluttering and coughing, unable to do anything more than stare at his smirking maidservant. Gwen is trying her hardest not to double over laughing.

"Don't forget to wash behind your ears, my lord," Merlin says and the smugness just _oozes_ from her tone.

Recovering from his surprise, Arthur mutters, "You will pay for this Merlin" before beginning to wash himself clean. Gwen shares an amused look with the maidservant as the two women move away from the grumbling king so that Merlin might help the queen prepare for bed.

"That was mean," Gwen comments quietly, her mirth still gleaming in her eyes. Merlin's smug smirk will likely remain firmly in place for the rest of the night.

"It was no more than he deserved," the servant replies. They glance back over to the tub where Arthur can be seen sulking as he scrubs his hair.

"Need any help, sire?" Merlin asks with false politeness.

"Shut up Merlin."

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A/N: So no Merthur in here. Arthur is happily married to Gwen and that's how it will stay.

Again, updates will be sporadic, especially since I just started a new semester.

Thank you to anyone who reviewed, liked or followed the story! Any kind of support is greatly appreciated!


	3. Some People Just Can't Handle Change

Some People Just Can't Handle Change

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The fact that Arthur and Merlin are arguing is not what draws Gwaine's attention. Rather, it's the subject of their argument that has him pausing on his way to the armory to listen.

"Just ask one of the stable boys to do it," Arthur is saying, voice edging on the side of desperation.

Merlin looks highly offended at the suggestion and spits out, "Absolutely not!"

"You hate doing it anyway!"

"That doesn't mean I'm incapable of doing it!"

Judging from the fact that they're standing outside the stables Gwaine has a pretty good idea as to what the argument is about. Specifically, he figures it's got to involve horse excrement.

"Mucking stables-" _Bingo_, thinks Gwaine "-isn't women's work!"

"Women's work?" Merlin shrieks. "Arthur, I have been mucking out your horses for six years! Just because you are now aware that I lack certain aspects of the male anatomy in my pants doesn't mean I'm suddenly incapable of scooping up horse shit with a pitch fork!" Arthur says nothing, a move that Gwaine thinks is very wise. Gwaine knows women and he knows Merlin and with those two sources of knowledge he can confidently say that Merlin is five seconds away from slapping the King of Camelot in full view of the public. When Arthur continues to stare silently at his maidservant, saying nothing, Merlin takes it as a victory and marches into the stables. For a moment, Arthur looks like he's going to pursue her, but thinks better of it. He turns, cape billowing petulantly around him, and storms into the castle.

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That night the unusual happens when Arthur tags along with Gwaine to the tavern, sans his maidservant because Merlin is still miffed about the argument from that afternoon. The result is that Gwaine finds himself sitting in a corner, not drinking, while Arthur sulks into a tankard of mead. Normally the knight would be highly irritated at being prevented from his usual debauchery, but he thinks that tonight it might be a good thing. The castle becomes a horribly dreary place when Arthur and Merlin are fighting. The sooner he can help clear things up between them the better.

"You know," Gwaine finally says when he's grown tired of Arthur's sulk, "if you just treated her like you always have then things would go back to normal a lot more quickly."

"I'm aware of that," Arthur mutters. The king sighs and pushes his drink away. "But it's hard. I'm... I'm used to women acting a certain way. And Merlin..."

"Acts kind of like a man?" Gwaine finishes. Arthur sighs and nods. Before he can withdraw back into his sulk Gwaine continues, "It _is_ odd, but it's also just part of what makes Merlin, Merlin, don't you think?"

"I suppose…"

"I mean honestly, could you imagine taking some prim proper lady who can't even stand to get her shoes dirty on some of our quests?" Arthur blanches and Gwaine thinks he probably shouldn't have drawn attention to the number of dangerous situations Merlin has ended up in over the years. Not that anything would have ever stopped her from tagging along. She and Arthur are practically joined at the hip. It's actually kind of frightening. Whenever one shows up it's almost guaranteed that the other isn't more than five minutes behind. Kind of makes a man wonder how Arthur missed Merlin being a woman in the first place, but now doesn't seem the time to bring up such observations.

"Maybe I should hire a new manservant," Arthur says. "Merlin could…could…work in laundry or the kitchen. Or she could just switch jobs with George."

"I don't think she would take well to that," Gwaine advises, having heard Merlin's opinion on the frighteningly efficient servant who tells brass jokes. "Think about it. If she didn't even want to give up mucking out your horses, which we all know she hates doing, what makes you think she'd appreciate losing her entire job?" Actually, Gwaine kind of wants to see this because he has the distinct feeling that watching the king being slapped by an angry servant would be hilarious. Unfortunately, this would be quite counterproductive to getting things in the castle back to normal. Plus, Gwaine doesn't really want to see Merlin upset enough to slap anyone. She _is_ his best friend.

Arthur grips his hair in frustration and hisses, "But what am I supposed to do?"

"You really want my advice Arthur?" Gwaine ventures, equal parts request to proceed and warning that asking a man who spends all his time in the tavern for life advice might not be the greatest idea. The king looks at him expectantly so Gwaine obliges. "Just leave Merlin be and go about your business. Sure, things have changed, but eventually you'll get used to it and things will go back to normal." Arthur opens his mouth to voice a protest, probably on principal because kings don't get told what to do or something equally stupid, but quickly shuts it, thinking. Satisfied that he's done all he can for this particular endeavor, Gwaine decides it's high time he got started on that debauchery.

Arthur is not entirely happy to have to drag him back to the castle in the wee hours of the morning.

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The next morning Gwaine arrives at training to see Arthur hesitantly, but determinately using Merlin as a practice dummy. The king isn't swinging nearly as hard as he usually does and Merlin likely knows this, but he clearly hasn't tried sending her from the practice fields to do more "womanly" activities. As he goes to join his fellow knights, who are all watching their king and his maidservant with varying expressions of concern and relief, Gwaine thinks that it's not okay yet, not by a long shot. Because Merlin still refuses to grow her hair out or wear dresses and still generally acts in a fashion considered unbecoming of a woman. But it's a start.

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A/N: I'm not entirely happy with this piece, but I've been sitting on it long enough. Plus, I don't think there's really anything else I can do for it. Am I the only one who gets the sense that Arthur is the type of person that doesn't handle change very well? Especially when it's just sort of thrown in his face.

I'm wondering though...what are people's views on romance for Merlin in this? I've got something in mind, but I can't decide if I actually want to implement it. If you want to drop you opinion as to whether or not you'd like to see Merlin in a romantic relationship as well as with whom you'd like her to get together with then please feel free.

EDIT: I didn't think I'd have to say this, but please don't ask for Merthur. It WILL NOT be happening in this fic. Ever. And it's okay to say that you don't want Merlin to end up with anyone because I could totally go either way on this.

Again, thank you for all reviews, follows, and favorites!


	4. Not Really The Done Thing

Not Really The Done Thing

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Lancelot woke up to a throbbing headache and a warm weight on his chest. He groaned, low and pained. Everything after Arthur's toast was a blur. But there was a soft mattress against his back so he must have made it back to Merlin's room alright. Thinking of Merlin prodded at something hovering in the back of Lancelot's mind. He spent a few minutes trying to call the memory to the forefront. It wasn't working. Giving up, he finally decided to try cracking his eyes open. It hurt. Not much sunlight was making it's way through the window, but it was enough to bring discomfort to Lancelot's sensitive eyeballs. Suddenly the warm weight on his chest moved. Alarmed, Lancelot threw himself upright, knocking the warm weight from the bed and onto the hard ground.

"Fuck," a familiar voice hissed. Feeling a little faint, his hangover temporarily forgotten, and suddenly very aware of the fact that he was completely naked (oh god he was never drinking again), Lancelot peaked cautiously over the edge of the bed. He promptly remembered what had happened the previous night after he and Merlin had left the celebration. Specifically, he remembered tripping over nothing and planting his hands firmly on Merlin's chest only to discover that there were breasts underneath that shirt. What came after was less clear, but Lancelot was quite certain that they had somehow ended up naked in Merlin's bed and-

"Oh god," Lancelot said hoarsely. He sat back and pressed his hands to his face, half in embarrassed horror and half because Merlin was at this very moment sprawled naked on the floor. "Oh god, what have I done."

"I don't know about you, but I clearly drank too much last night," Merlin muttered. Lancelot heard her shuffle about a little, probably pulling herself up off the floor. "Hey," Merlin said after a beat of silence, "are you okay?"

"No," Lancelot replied in a small voice. He peered cautiously through his fingers and let out a very high pitched squeak. "I...I would feel a bit better if we both um, if we both had some...some clothes..."

"...Oh. Okay then. Hold on."

Lancelot waited in silence, listening to Merlin move about her room slowly and carefully.

"Okay," Merlin called softly, keeping her voice down for the sake of their hangovers, "you can look now. All my woman parts are covered." Lancelot peaked through his fingers again just to be safe. He quailed a little at her bared midriff, but true to Merlin's word she had on a pair of dark brown breeches and that sleeveless white half shirt thing he vaguely recalled seeing last night. His best guess was that it had something to do with breast support since Merlin's baggy shirts probably weren't very good for such things.

A pair of pants suddenly smacked Lancelot in the face. His pants, he realized when he pulled them away. His shirt quickly followed.

"Hurry up," Merlin said. "First day on the job, remember?"

Right. He was a knight of Camelot now. And Merlin was a woman. Apparently some days it was too much to ask for the world to make sense. With a quick glance at Merlin (she was apparently having trouble finding a clean shirt, which was unsurprising considering the mess covering her floor), Lancelot practically leapt out of bed and nearly put his head through the wall trying to get his pants on as quickly as possibly. In the end, he crashed to the floor in a heap, pants tangled around his feet.

"You okay there?" Merlin asked, sounding amused.

"I'm a disgrace to knights everywhere," Lancelot mumbled into the floor.

"Why? Because you saw me naked? Or is it because I saw you naked?"

"Both."

Merlin didn't reply. Lancelot heaved a ponderous sigh, got to his feet, and continued getting his pants on, this time going a bit more slowly so as not to end up on his face again. Finally they were both dressed. Now they stood on opposite sides of the room. Merlin observed Lancelot with a calculating gaze while he looked anywhere but at her.

"Lancelot," Merlin said when the silence had stretched. She waited until he reluctantly looked her in the eye. "First off, will you stop feeling so bad? We were both drunk and, if you recall, we never actually got very far before we fell asleep."

"It's not very noble behavior," Lancelot protested.

"Nobody's perfect. Second, I would appreciate it if you refrained from mentioning to anyone that I'm a woman."

"Why not?" Lancelot asked incredulously. "Surely it would be best if the prince knew-"

"Lancelot," Merlin cut in, "I may spend a lot of time griping and moaning about my job, but I like it. And the king probably isn't going to approve if he realizes he accidentally hired a woman to be his son's manservant."

"Well," Lancelot said carefully. He didn't want to be insulting, but he wanted to understand Merlin's insistence on the issue. "Well, it is considered rather inappropriate for a woman to be attending the prince in some of his more…intimate moments."

"I grew up in a tiny little village and my best friend was a shameless prankster. I've seen naked men before. Arthur's just another naked man."

Lancelot marveled at how Merlin could say such crass things with a straight face while he was blushing like a young maiden. His eyes wandered to the clothes haphazardly strewn about, all trousers and loose shirts and no sign of a dress. He took in Merlin's pixie cut hair, ruffled from sleep. On her face was a determined expression, one that clearly said Lancelot was either going to leave this room sworn to secrecy or he may not be leaving it at all. Tough as nails, this girl is, he thought and promptly made his decision.

"I won't say a word to Arthur," Lancelot promised. A smile split Merlin's face.

"Excellent," she declared. With the serious conversation over, both occupants of the room became once more acutely aware of their hangovers. Sharing a grimace, they stumbled from the room.

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A/N: I feel kind of bad. I had every intention of updating this on a semi-regular basis. And then I got stuck. Technically speaking, this isn't really part 4, but I wanted to give you guys something. I really am sorry for all you people who've been patiently waiting for an update. Hopefully I can get the next part figured out soon so you guys don't have to wait so long.

Anyway, someone mentioned in a review that past Lancelot/Merlin would be interesting and I thought, "Yes, yes it would be." So here it is. I should probably mention that this has almost no editing so I'm sorry if it's not my most quality work.

Last thing: feel free to toss prompts my way. I can't guarantee I'll write every prompt, but a little extra inspiration never hurt anyone.


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